No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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