the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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