My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
we're making bets on your personal life
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
