my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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