I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize