I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
