I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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