Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Let's get the cat blown out
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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