so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize