I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
