a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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