i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We're too hungover to prance.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
