I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
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