I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
