You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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