I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize