it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
the room spins SO much faster in panama
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
