btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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