He uses pillows to masturbate.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
