I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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