I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
