So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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