this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
