So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
