apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
