Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
3pm strippers are depressing
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
