21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
