my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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