Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
