i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
