as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
