I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Floor bacon is actually really good
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
