At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
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