hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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