He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
