It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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