hotel room ftw
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
