I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
