My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
And then he peed in my hair
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