I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize