Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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