The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
