Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
