I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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