and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
