So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
