I think I died a long time ago.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
