I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
