I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
