hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
