just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
