This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We had sex on a dog bed..
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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