Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Send help, water and tortillas.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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