And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
