I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
