When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
