That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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