I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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