hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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