Redeem this text for a blowjob
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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