we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
