Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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