He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
