he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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