He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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