Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
