Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
