1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
