I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
