After last night, I could never be a politician.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
