My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
