If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
