I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
