You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
