that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
