i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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