I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
