We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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