I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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