he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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