The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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