Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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