I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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