Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
