Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
