come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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