No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize