as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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