i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
