Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
