So drunk, too bad you don't want this
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
