Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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