I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
