Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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