Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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