I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
