Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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