Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
