Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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