You made me cry and you don't even care
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
