Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
