new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
