whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
