oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
