Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
