I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
His hands were made for my vagina.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
